Happy Birthday SMCM LOL BLOG

Wow, it's been 5 years since "I," a 'st. mary's college of maryland "student"' started this blog.

June 10 2008 huh wow it's been a long time

Can't believe I haven't graduated yet

If you wanna check out some great posts uh don't bother hahah, there are no great posts

some great memories about this bloggin blog:

• 90 pages of this blog printed out and presented to me, with 'problematic issues' highlighted
• "I'm pretty sure 69% of the reason I made out with you is because of this blog" - an IRL 'girl'
• "I hate you because of that blog" - an IRL 'girl'
• "Please blog about me" - an IRL 'girl'

wow this blog has 'survived' 4 prezzies and probably a dozen directors of public safety (miss u santiago, dude who lied about his credentials)

huh wonder what the future will bring (more via, grammatical errors, and horrible posts about nothing, with the occasional actual news post that 'matters')

comment with yalls favorite 'bloggin post'

Wow it's been a month!!!

phew, really needed that 1 month break to recuperate after all those changes to the school

wow so looks like there have been lots of new changes??? guess everybody already knows that we got a new president...

CHIP JACKSON

yes granted he only gets 2 be president for a 'month' but man I am so proud of him. look at u chip, guess ur just a 'chip off the old block' hahaha

wow but let us all remember that July 2013 will forever be the month of the Jackson presidency. wonder if he is related to Andrew Jackson and will attempt to kill many American Indians and destroy the central bank of the United States [lol can u guess my major???]?

wonder if he will get his portrait in the library
wonder if urgo will
wonder if chip will somehow fuck this up (he won't, don't u worry)

wow on the real tho, seems like the next interim prez will be a cute old white dude for the next year, idk you have probably all seen the email (especially since they actually send them to alumnis 2 now) so im not really gonna waste time talking about him, gotta move on, gotta go fast, via sonic the hedgehog

did you know hedgehogs are mad slow ??? kinda makes u think...

but hey yah we r 'back'

guess whos back
back again
guess whos back
guess whos back
guess whos back

(it's Britney bitch)

Alumni Weekend

Wow yall alumni weekend in like three days...planning on leaving 'twerk' (that is what c00l kids call work) around 2:30 and then getting some 'mexican food' (aka Margaritas #its5oclocksomewhere) with some friends.

Kinda wanted to go to Cerro Grande but....apparently it's been closed

R.I.P. bb ~only the good die...young~

Luckily there are a bunch of new 'mexican' restaurants around these days #phew (more on that another time)

ANYWAY

I got a 'smart phone' now and I've been thinking about 'liveblogging' Alumni Weekend, and I would like some input from yall regarding what I should 'liveblog' about.

Here are some possible ideas:

• People that I see
• Interactions with faculty/staff
• Reviews of the various events
• Stories from talking with old people
• A running total of the number of people I see that I have hooked up with 
• SGA Reunion
• IDK other things

So hey this weekend there should be a lot of updates or maybe one big update that keeps growing, be sure to check it out when you are recovering from the two-day hangover Monday at 'work'. Or maybe I'll just totally forget. And leave some livebloggin suggestions in the comments kthx.

Regarding "grammar"

Recently there have been a lot of "criticism" (via the comments section) regarding the "grammar" of this "blog." (hello i would like to point out that if you look to the left <--- b=""> I put the 'period' inside of the 'quote' which is grammatically correct so yes i could learn u a thing or 2 about the grammars)

I think maybe there were a lot of shoobies (via Rocket Power) who just don't "get it" but thats okay hey i luv u all, feel free to stay 'awhile' and check out 'old articles'

~sticks n stones may brake my bones, but words may never hurt me~  (via antiquated notions of bullying)

SMCM is going to be fine… as long as we stop Kenjes

Note: This ‘guest post’, whatever the hell that is, is directed at Alumni. If you’re a current student, get off the internet and go back to being drunk and not having responsibility – trust me.

Seriously, SMCM is going to be fine. I love the outpouring of concern and passion for our alma mater but 15 years ago our school was best known for the massive amount of narcotics done on campus and today that’s not even in top 10 things we are known for.

It’s going to take more than a budget deficit, fewer freshpeople (wish we had that senior year) and a poorly written op-ed by an uptight, right-wing reactionary spinmeister to take down the Seahawks. KaKAAAA!

What ya’ll should be worried about is the fact that this rag-tag, sorry excuse for a web log run by a baby-eating drunk is still up and running. You know Kenjes makes money off this (Editor's Note: $600 so far)?

Is no one else concerned that this old dude with a creepy beard still spends all of his time stalking college students? Someone told me they let him near high school kids too, that’s kind of messed up. I ran into him at an O’s game and he was legit just standing outside the student section leering at minors. Leering.

Seriously, this shouldn’t be allowed near children.

While we are on the subject of things that are bad for SMCM and possibly small children, can we talk real quick about the number of recent grads threatening not to donate over all this ish? First of all, I highly suspect if you’re saying that, you weren’t exactly about to write a check – you’re not fooling me.

Second of all, your reaction to a budget deficit and high tuition is to cut off funding to the school? Don’t get me wrong, I am not worried… they’ll survive without a few $10 contribs but that doesn’t exactly send the message, ‘we are here for you and want to be a part of the solution.’

Our reaction should be to cut out a few drinks at the next Bocci league mixer and throw some money St. Mary’s way. AND make sure you tell them to put yours in unrestricted because restricted funds are terrible in a budget crisis and stupid in general.

As an aside on the topic of drinks, who else misses the hell out of $7 pitchers at the Door…? 7 bucks gets you like a shot of beer in the real world and it never comes with a pizza.

Painting of The Green Door available at the Campus Store for $200. You can also just buy The Green Door for $250.

But back to baby-eating Kenjes – he is the real threat. Has anyone explored the possibility that the drop-off in admissions rates resulted from parents finding this blog? Would you send your kids to a school constantly watched and internet-ed about by a bro whose beard looks like it could sustain the ecosystem of a Peruvian rainforest? No way. You just wouldn’t.

I am just saying the board can fire Urgo and huff and puff all they want but if you want the source of SMCM woes, look no further than that smiley face/boat train wreck of a ‘logo’ above – seriously a monkey throwing feces could design a better logo (that’s by the way how I designed The Point News logo, minus the monkey).

Oh and if they do fire Urgo, again, the school will be ok. Yeah, we all love the guy – he has that classy beard (in contrast with Kenjes’ creepy one) and he actually cares about students but there are evidently some issues… firing a bunch of people who seemed pretty competent at their job, leaving 100+ slots open and digging us in to a budget deficit – maybe the distant, rule-by-rocket launcher approach Maggie took has some merit?

This happened.

All I am really trying to say is, I love you all and I am so pumped for alumni weekend. And at some point we need to have a little Team SMCM meeting and figure out what to do about the creepy blogger who is scaring off new students. Boom, problem solved – world saved. Roll credits.

Always yours,

Dave

Dave Chase

Classiest Class of 2012

Former Big-wig, The Point News Publications

PS. Big shout out to Greg ‘12 and Jess ‘11 who got married last weekend at Brome Howard! Seahawk lovin’

If you would like to write a "guest post" on the topic of your choosing, shoot me an email smcmstudent@gmail.com

PANIC: Episode 3: Return of the Mold

Guess who's back, back again
Mold's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back?
Guess who's back, guess who's back?
Guess who's back, guess who's back?
Guess who's back?

via that Eminem song

Really miss circa 2k10 when 'mold' was a new thing.  Mold reports were 'unconfirmed' and it was really difficult to get anyone to do anything about it.  But these days they announce mold before school has even started!  Email below~

Each fall we thoroughly prepare and inspect the residences for occupancy, including checking for the presence of mold.  It is not uncommon to find isolated incidents of what could be mold given our damp climate.  This year we have found what appears to be possible mold in some of the townhouses.  Housekeeping staff, Facilities staff, and Residence Life staff went through every unit on Friday and Saturday and we have minor occurrences, mostly on bathroom walls and some linen closets, in some units.  A few areas have spots of suspected mold on some of the upholstered furniture and/or carpet.

We do not want to alarm residents.  However, we know that everyone on campus is quite sensitive to mold issues so we want to be open and transparent when we find it.  It is important to note that this situation is unlike what we experienced last year in CD & PG where we encountered systemic mold outbreaks that were pervasive in each building.

We found one townhouse unit (Morsell 3) where conditions require the early arrival student to be temporarily relocated elsewhere on campus while the carpet and all upholstered furniture and mattresses are replaced.  We found five other units that require some level of carpet cleaning and nine units where some upholstered furniture will be cleaned next week, before classes begin. This work will be done following standard EPA guidelines by a professional carpet and upholstery cleaning firm.

Housekeeping staff are completing spot-cleaning in other units in the bathrooms, kitchens, and linen closets following our normal mold-removal protocols.  This work will be completed by Monday evening. These types of issues can recur during the semester.  We ask the residents to report any suspected mold growth to the Residence Life staff or Physical Plant(240-895-4287) as soon as it is seen.

As always, the safety of our students is our highest priority. We are closely monitoring this situation and will keep you apprised as needed.  If you have any questions or concerns, please contact Joanne Goldwater (jagoldwater@smcm.edu or240-895-4207), Derek Thornton (assistant VP of Campus Operations at dkthornton@smcm.edu or 240-895-4287), or Chip Jackson (ccjackson@smcm.edu or 240-895-4412).

Email is not entirely correct, via some students that were supposed to move into Homer (information based on a trusted source) two three days ago were forced to move elsewhere.  But that wasn't included in the email.  Not a big deal really. 

Actually not a lot to say really.  Mold sucks etc.  Did yall like the title of this post, it was a Star Wars reference.  So that was 'cool'.

Also I have hired an intern for the coming year!  The intern will be putting up flyers and blogging at the intern's leisure. 

-Tommy Seahawk

Great posts from the past

Seeing a lot of ~new visitors~ via the Rich Edgar posts etc.  Let me explain what this 'blog' is.  This is a 'student' blog about St. Mary's.  Posts are usually 'kinda funny' or informative.  The blog initially got popular via liveblogging SGA meetings.  Anyway, here are some posts from the past that were popular and that you may find 'entertaining':

• Breaking news that students would be moved to a cruise ship, due to mold
• SGA Meeting liveblog with Chik Fil A debating
• The Strong Arm Robbery saga

Those are some of the most popular according to page views.  Here are some personal favorites:

• Bradford Persistent Agent, one of the first posts that got a lot of people talking
• A way to view your grades before they were officially announced
• The sea monster art project
• Trolling the incoming class of 2014 on facebook
• Some alumnus I met told me a cool story
• Bald Eagle on Campus
• Original Mold PANIC

And my favorite post of all time, the one that made it all worth it.  Hands in dresses.

LEAKS

btw yall can always contact me at smcmstudent@gmail.com with leaks, stories, etc.  Especially fun stories about SMCM that are lighthearted. 

Also this is the same email I use for Craigslist casual encounters, so...

1000 Posts

According to blogger this will be post number 1000.  Holy shit.  Thanks yall for ~reading~ and commenting and providing leaks and doing dumb things that I can write about.  Here's to 1000 more posts~

In commemoration of 1000 posts and several hundred dollars in profit from this blog, I will have a SMCM LOL BLOG party for yall.  As soon as I move out of my parents' basement.  In 2016.

Ron Paul Posters UPDATE

I did some 'investigative journalism' into my blog post from a month ago about Ron Paul posters on campus.  There were a ton of responses, which was weird, but not surprising considering how much Ron Paul supporters love Ron Paul.  So I checked out my traffic sources via Google Analytics and found that a lot of it came from this post from www.dailypaul.com.  The actual post can be found by clicking HURR.  Screencap BELOW:

On the comments for the post I was called a 'woman' and 'dumb/ignorant' which was accurate.  I was pretty pleased with this because I found it entertaining, and it also led to more comments/views on the blog. 

Not sure of the identity of 'thepholiser' but I'm guessing it's a student.  It's really interesting how Paul supporters try really hard to get people to support their cause.  I guess it's cool, IDK.

But then I decided to google 'thepholiser' and came upon a youtube video that was quite interesting...

I think it's safe to say that one of the poster publishers, and the guy who directed traffic/comments to the SMCMLOLBLOG was none other than Gino Hannah.  You can check out more of his music here http://www.youtube.com/user/thepholiser

This information was later further confirmed several days ago.  Someone drunkenly provided me the names of

• Gino Hannah
• Adam Ross
• Greg Dodson

As the Ron Paul poster placers.   INTERESTING...

In conclusion, lately people have complained about the lack of 'investigative journalism' conducted by this blog.  I hope you are happy with this level of 'investigative journalism' and stop complaining.

This is what I wear when I'm bloggin btw~

SMCM Meme Blog

I stumbled onto this SMCM Meme Blog/Tumblr http://campsmcm.tumblr.com/  which is actually really funny, if you are into .gifs with explanations. 

Should I steal this sort of format and post SMCM memes?  Kinda feel like this blog has always been focused on 'quality content' via a focus on semi-funny writing/news rather than just photos.  What do yall think...

Dear Readers...

I need u...

I love u...

I could never live...w/o u...

Introducing the newest SMCMLOLBLOG Writer!

Our newest SMCMLOLBLOG writer is none other than Julia Strauss!

Julia Strauss is an experienced blogger who has all the qualities needed to write for the illustrious SMCMLOLBLOG:

• Has a computer
• Is sometimes funny
• Goes to SMCM
• Has experience bloggin 4 GOLD/$$$
• etc. etc. etc.

 Hopefully Julia Strauss will continue to keep SMCMLOLBLOG a shining beacon of journalistic integrity for the foreseeable future!

SGA Meeting 3/6

The first time I live blogged an SGA meeting was September 23rd, 2008.  The last time I truly liveblogged an SGA Meeting was April 27th, 2010.

Actually, I would really recommend reading that first liveblog from 2008, there are a lot of things that would end up being major parts of the blog and campus itself like

• Trays were eventually removed from the Great Room
• Clubs passing w/o any debate ever
• My hatred for the Terrorist Newspaper The Point News
• Stipends for recycling and composting coordinators, which became a big part of my life
• Club websites, which was another big part of my life
• And SGA being boring

This will more than likely be the actual final SGA live blogging.  I think this was something that made the blog semi-popular.  People found it interesting because it was kinda funny, provided some useful information about SGA, and wasn't boring.  I hope I enlightened people over the past few years about what SGA is, and how boring it can be sometimes.

8:00 - I arrive and stand awkwardly outside pretending to text.

8:03 - I enter and President Snyder immediately begins talking to me.

8:04 - It's already full and it's only been four minutes, this SGA is good at not being late.  Also only the Vice President and Parliamentarian a sit up front now which is an interesting change.

8:06 - It hath begun.

8:07 - They no longer have nametags for everyone #buschleague

8:08 - Kate does not hit her gavel very hard.

8:10 - Urgo is the guest speaker, he is talking about the Dean of Students position (look forward to a saucy post on that tomorrow) which was recently vacated.  Urgo says it was a 'mutual decision' #IYSS

 8:11 - Urgo is looking pretty.  Also there will be a national search.  NATIONAL SEARCH RETURNS YALL #basedgod

8:12 - Someone says the new Dean should be approachable.  No shit.

8:14 - Mark was just told to speak up, I think he may have a cold/sore throat.  Feel better bb.

8:17 - I think the new Dean should be like the Dean from the Simpsons Bobby Peterson.  IDK if that is possible via (ATTN: anonymous who recently complained about my use of 'via,' lol not gonna stop #sorryimnotsorry) he is a cartoon.

8:19 - Mumby brought up Maggi O'Brien hiding in her office.  I think he confused office with abroad/her winery.

8:20 - Urgo looks thinner I wonder if he has been ~workin out~ #swag

8:21 - More suggestions about the new Dean that are all pretty legitimate but also not things that I am super interested in.

8:22 - What I am interested in is Urgo's hair, I feel like the hairline is more defined and the back part goes lower now.  Anyone care to comment on changes to Urgo's hair?

8:23 - "New Dean should drive a hybrid and be a happy person" #hippie

8:25 - Apparently Student Trustee Maurielle Stewart stole a 'Bugle' from Prez Dingle.  Not sure if she is talking about the instrument or the 'stoner food'.  She alerted me via the twitter (follow me @SMCMLOL for relevant news updates).

8:27 - MHECbro is saying something confusing that I do not understand about Jboard and precedents and blah blah blah

8:29 - "Do you do a criminal background check on candidates?"  I hope not, personally I want our new Dean to be a convicted felon/drug dealer (actually that could rule).

8:31 - Bloggin makes me sleepy.

8:32 - Someone just apologized for being late to SGA #YOLO

8:37 - I think Prez Dingle is tryna establish the point that we should get a Dean who is okay with 'May Day'.

8:41 - Sometimes people ask kinda dumb questions

8:42 - "So in Absalom, Absalom!"  lololol

8:43 - Urgo is done, moving onto Resolution supporting a Living Wage for all Staff Members.

8:46 - Are you fucking kidding me!?!  Terrorist Newspaper Pointless News just posted and article about 'People who hate The Point News' and left me out.  This is bullshit, I've hated The Point News since September of 2008.

8:51 - "We're not trying to attack Urgo with this"

8:52 - What the fuck are you even trying to say, are you trying to imply the staff will beat the Senate up if we don't pass this?  MHECbro I don't understand you.

8:54 - Kelly Schroeder (luv u Kelly) brought up the point that Staff refers not only to Maintenance, Housekeeping, etc. but also to people in Student Affairs etc.

9:00 - "If we are going to pay them more, are they going to work harder?"  oh my god are you serious, #getout.  I don't think you understand what the purpose of a ~Living Wage~ is.  The entire idea is to pay people enough so that they can actually live a good life free of debt.  Get your Ayn Rand bullshit philosophy out of here.

9:02 - Same Rugby bro "Can we get them to start cleaning the bathrooms in the Townhouses" what the hell, hire a maid if you are that lazy

9:06 - Via facebook stalking, profile picture on a boat, Econ major, went to a $13,000 a year private high school, which is literally half of what some of these people are getting paid.  Stop hating poor people, Jesus Christ.  Some fucking Catholic.

9:16 - Resolution passed.

9:17 - Rugbybro "candy machines are always cash only" #firstworldproblems

9:20 - Meeting is wrapping up

9:21 - Meeting over!

Missu SGA

Here is the Agenda for the meeting:

I. Call to Order

II. Roll Call

III. Approval of the Agenda

IV. Approval of the Minutes

V. Student Speak-Out

VI. New Business

-President Urgo as guest speaker

-Resolution 04-12S Wage Justice at St. Mary's College of Maryland

VIII. Announcements

IX. Adjournment

BLOG LATER

More Hands in Pockets!

Some of yall may remember one of my more memorable posts Circa 2k10 about dudes who put their hands in girls' dresses while dancing with them.  It was probably one of the most popular posts of April 2k10.  ANYWAYS as an addendum to 'hands in dress pockets' we now have 'hands in butt pockets'.

These two bros, I believe, have been dating/boning for over a year now (basically engaged in college-years, which are like dog-years) so it is a pretty acceptable behavior, he wasn't putting his hand into some rando butt pocket (which would be weird and lacking consent).

There are a lot of pros but the 'hands in butt pockets' technique:

• Get to touch a 'butt'
• Convenient place to put your hands
• Secretly shows affection for yer partner while in a public setting
• Sends a message of 'look bros, this is my partner, yall can tell via my hand is touchin her butt'
• Get to touch a "butt"

How do yall feel about the whole 'hands in butt pocket' technique???
Is this just an attempt to relive the glory years of 2010 Bloggin via referencing the past???

Awesome/Shitty

For awhile now I have included the option for readers to mark each post as being either 'awesome' or 'shitty' and I am always pleased/surprised when people actually mark them.  luv yall.

Zylak Responds

In an unprecedented move current head of Public Safety has responded with more information regarding new changes!  How exciting and futuristic.

 Photo taken outside the Library

Here is a transcript of his response (via copy/paste)

A change in any enforcement authority usually elicits strong discussion so in regard to the conversation about the Special Police Commissions that SMCM is pursuing for our Public Safety officers I would like to share some information.
The Special Police Commissions will convey the authority to SMCM Public Safety Officers to arrest individuals for trespassing or for committing offenses under the Maryland Law while on the property of the college, Church Point and Historic St. Mary’s City since the college has assumed an obligation to maintain and protect these areas. In addition, the Commissions give our officers the authority to direct and control traffic on public highways (Rt. 5) and roads in the immediate vicinity of the college.
For example, a trespass by a non-student that would now be turned over to the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office will be handled by the SMCM Public Safety office instead.
The SMCM student body should not see any significant change in the enforcement of the college policies and it is expected that 99.9% of all violations will still be handled by the campus judicial boards.
Serious Part 1 crimes (robbery, rape, murder) will continue to be handled in accordance with the Memorandum of Understanding between the college and the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office.
This is a positive change for the campus and I invite you to contact me should you have questions or concerns about the Special Police Commissions program.
Dave Zylak
Director, Public Safety
240-895-4911

Woah buddy, what a well written response with actual information!  Some key points:

• Public safety wants to legally control traffic, as they have already for ever (does that mean it was ILLEGAL???  probably not, they probably just had to ask the sheriff for permission each time maybe?).
• Real police are less likely to come and arrest people as PS will do it instead
• Not sure what counts as 'trespassing' but if you do it as a student you will go to JBoard instead of jail it seems.
• That 1% includes stuff like rape, murder, pillaging, and robbery.  Nice to have a further explanation of that.

That's a simple summary I guess?  Nice to have some clarifications and open communication etc.

Thanks Zylakbro.

Who is Tom Seahawk?

Who is this Tommy Seahawk the Internet is BUZZing about???  Is it real???

Hintyclues:

• probably knows OG writer
• probably younger
• probably reads hipster runnoff (via co-opting the writing style)

TOM SEAHAWK OUT (via Seacrest outtie)

A Mystery Solved!

A mystery came about close to a year ago when a mystery blogger made a blogging blog called SMCMLOLOL which would comment on blog posts that I made, an exegesis of sorts.  I never knew who the blogger in question was but I always figured it was Julia Strauss.

FAST FORWARD to several weeks ago.  I am out on 'the town' (via going out) somewhere in the Maryland area (I do not recall exactly).  Via some means (maybe via SMS???) I am informed that the perpetrator of this blog was in fact Nick Hughes!

Nick Hughes is a long time student of St. Marys, here is a photo of him via recognizing:

As you can tell he is a nice young hipster musician (via horst the band shirt and weird glasses) and a fine young man.  Here is another photo:

He also likes facial hair!

Mystery solved!