Monday, June 3, 2013

SMCM is going to be fine… as long as we stop Kenjes

Note: This ‘guest post’, whatever the hell that is, is directed at Alumni. If you’re a current student, get off the internet and go back to being drunk and not having responsibility – trust me.

Seriously, SMCM is going to be fine. I love the outpouring of concern and passion for our alma mater but 15 years ago our school was best known for the massive amount of narcotics done on campus and today that’s not even in top 10 things we are known for.

It’s going to take more than a budget deficit, fewer freshpeople (wish we had that senior year) and a poorly written op-ed by an uptight, right-wing reactionary spinmeister to take down the Seahawks. KaKAAAA!

What ya’ll should be worried about is the fact that this rag-tag, sorry excuse for a web log run by a baby-eating drunk is still up and running. You know Kenjes makes money off this (Editor's Note: $600 so far)?

Is no one else concerned that this old dude with a creepy beard still spends all of his time stalking college students? Someone told me they let him near high school kids too, that’s kind of messed up. I ran into him at an O’s game and he was legit just standing outside the student section leering at minors. Leering.

Seriously, this shouldn’t be allowed near children.

While we are on the subject of things that are bad for SMCM and possibly small children, can we talk real quick about the number of recent grads threatening not to donate over all this ish? First of all, I highly suspect if you’re saying that, you weren’t exactly about to write a check – you’re not fooling me.

Second of all, your reaction to a budget deficit and high tuition is to cut off funding to the school? Don’t get me wrong, I am not worried… they’ll survive without a few $10 contribs but that doesn’t exactly send the message, ‘we are here for you and want to be a part of the solution.’

Our reaction should be to cut out a few drinks at the next Bocci league mixer and throw some money St. Mary’s way. AND make sure you tell them to put yours in unrestricted because restricted funds are terrible in a budget crisis and stupid in general.

As an aside on the topic of drinks, who else misses the hell out of $7 pitchers at the Door…? 7 bucks gets you like a shot of beer in the real world and it never comes with a pizza.

Painting of The Green Door available at the Campus Store for $200. You can also just buy The Green Door for $250.

But back to baby-eating Kenjes – he is the real threat. Has anyone explored the possibility that the drop-off in admissions rates resulted from parents finding this blog? Would you send your kids to a school constantly watched and internet-ed about by a bro whose beard looks like it could sustain the ecosystem of a Peruvian rainforest? No way. You just wouldn’t.

I am just saying the board can fire Urgo and huff and puff all they want but if you want the source of SMCM woes, look no further than that smiley face/boat train wreck of a ‘logo’ above – seriously a monkey throwing feces could design a better logo (that’s by the way how I designed The Point News logo, minus the monkey).

Oh and if they do fire Urgo, again, the school will be ok. Yeah, we all love the guy – he has that classy beard (in contrast with Kenjes’ creepy one) and he actually cares about students but there are evidently some issues… firing a bunch of people who seemed pretty competent at their job, leaving 100+ slots open and digging us in to a budget deficit – maybe the distant, rule-by-rocket launcher approach Maggie took has some merit?
This happened.

All I am really trying to say is, I love you all and I am so pumped for alumni weekend. And at some point we need to have a little Team SMCM meeting and figure out what to do about the creepy blogger who is scaring off new students. Boom, problem solved – world saved. Roll credits.

Always yours,

Dave Chase
Classiest Class of 2012
Former Big-wig, The Point News Publications

PS. Big shout out to Greg ‘12 and Jess ‘11 who got married last weekend at Brome Howard! Seahawk lovin’

If you would like to write a "guest post" on the topic of your choosing, shoot me an email


  1. this just in, Dave Chase does something that doesn't annoy the living hell out of us. WTF happened

  2. Alumni weekend. Stoked. That is all.

    p.s. I RESENT you telling me that I sent in $10... dude.. it WAS 15 brah! I'm not a peasant or anything ;)

  3. "15 years ago our school was best known for the massive amount of narcotics done on campus and today that’s not even in top 10 things we are known for." I, for one, am pretty psyched that i just celebrated my 15 year anniversary and that we are known for that. When we went, 15 years prior to US was known for the same. Pretty awesome. (I am not being snarky). Keep up the good work, SMCM LOL. :)