Harold

I didn't have a car when I showed up to St. Mary's, actually I didn't even have a license at that point. Eventually I got my license, but still being carless my junior year I found myself of legal age with a newly expired license. I didn't feel comfortable asking someone to drive me to the MVA, which was pretty far away, but moreso because of the fear of how long it could take. We had grown up seeing the horrors Patty and Selma could wreak on people... Eventually Ben took me there, but before then Harold yelled at me a lot for my expired ID (Editors note: Harold was right to yell at me). I mean it was obviously me on the ID, and I have seen plenty of people pass an ID behind themselves to the next person. So, my first impression of Harold was mixed.

But everyone liked him, and I learned to as well. Funny, kind, cheap bar tabs, everything you're looking for in a bartender. My wife and I were lucky enough to take a trip down to St. Mary's for a weekend in February of 2020. I messaged Harold and told him we'd be down, and he was kind enough to let us know he'd be working Saturday happy hour. He looked rough, really rough. I was happy to see him, but I know that for me at least it's hard to accept what your eyes are showing you. I hate knowing that everything changes and goes away eventually, whether it's the field at the Crescents or a good friend.

I'm going to miss sitting at the Door with Ben and catching Harold up on all the dumb things we had been doing. He always seemed so interested in our shenanigans, I think Harold really loved humans and our stories a lot more than most people.

I know that facebook is awful and everything but for better or worse that's the primary way I communicated with Harold, and I am going to miss all of his posts, especially the ones about bed linens and his dad.

Here are three random memories of Harold:

-harold playing clash of clans at a competitive level while bartending, and knowing that my tips would go towards that

-seeing harold in Baltimore at the alumni o's game/Pickles

-like, a lot of times when you would order your drink, I feel like he gave you a smile or a look or an eye raise that kinda said "look, everyone else in here is a drunk asshole, but right now, as you take your drink, please don't do anything to annoy me further" in the most empathetic, human way.

Raise a glass that you took home after pint night and leave some memories in the comments.

Advertising Awards

IT used to be that choosing a college was an easy process. In my experience, all it takes is an old sailor telling you "you should go to St. Mary's, they like to sail and there are lots of women there" when you're 12 yrs old. That's all it took! The advice of one old dude, early in the morning, shortly after explaining "you know, if you sniff that airplane glue, you'll get high." Old sailors and dentists LOVE telling kids how to get high, or at least they do if you have long hair.

My point is that times change, and advertising is more important than ever. Prestige TV used to be stuff like M.A.S.H., and now Prestige TV is like...whatever is coming out each week on Disney+ I guess???

But for awhile it was Mad Men, the show about advertising in the 1960s. Prestige TV at one point reflected the greatest interests of Americans: Italian-American crime, Baltimore Crime, White Baltimore Crime in Season 2, Meth, and Advertising! 

Season 4, Episode 6 premiered with the prestigious CLIO Awards, an award show for advertising. Funnily enough, the same night Mad Men would win an Emmy! On the TV show Donny Draper gets super drunk (ofc that's every episode), and then after he gets the award he gets even more drunk, this time with power! Also Pete Campbell has to grovel to get the Ken to return to the ad agency, and any scene with Pete Campbell groveling is peak Prestige TV.

SMCM recently got a taste of that sweet, sweet CLIO action, at the 36th Annual Educational Advertising Awards. It makes sense that higher ed advertising really got into the swing of things in the 1980s as the cost of a college education began to swell.

SMCM brought home the gold for their Giving Tuesday 2020 campaign (which a lot of people sat out on, myself included, via current students asking us not to donate over issues related to racism at the college) and for the dedication ceremony of the new Commemorative to Enslaved Peoples of Southern Maryland. You can watch the virtual dedication below:

I haven't watched it yet via it's an hour long, but it DOES seem pretty well done. 

The Board of Trustees seems pretty pleased with the results too!

"In acknowledging the recent awards at the May Board of Trustees meeting, Institutional Advancement Committee Chair Gail Harmon said, “This type of third-party validation says that our College’s marketing and branding are on the right track.”

Aren't we all just seeking out a lil prestigious third-party validation in this crazy, mixed up world? I love that they do awards for giveaway shirts as well

"The team also earned a Gold award in the 2020 Collegiate Advertising Awards for the design of a giveaway apparel item for newly admitted students designed by alumna Keely Houk ’17."

They buried the goddam lede!!! Am I wrong in thinking that "giveaway apparel" is like primo marketing, or is that a Web 2.0 mindset? I was always jealous of the amazing designs UMD had for their promo gear. But what do I know!

You can learn more about this Awards program with the contact info below. It looks like they are based in Georgia, which recently made it a lot harder to people to vote!

It's also not too expensive to enter it seems, I might submit the blog for judging next year.

 

Life

October of Freshman year of high school my typing (sorry, keyboarding) teacher, Ms. McGuire, morbidly informed us, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, that someone from our class would die soon after graduation (sometimes I like to think I've gotten better at writing and then I go and use five commas in a single sentence.)

We were, you know, a little taken aback. Hurt. Confused. We reacted the way people react when they're forced to confront an uncomfortable truth. And to let my own classist views out, at the time I felt there was no way that could happen at a top school like ours.



07' ETHS grad Megan died one year and several weeks after graduation.

S. died while I was still at St. Mary's. We met at a party once; it was a bit surreal.

I met B. several times probably but never really knew him.

I wish I had known Jamie. She clearly had a positive impact on everyone she met, and I look forward to celebrating her life this Fall. I try not to lash out when people in Baltimore question the utility of bike lanes.

And then Sami passed. We played ultimate together. And then randomly years later there he was at my neighborhood bar, smiling, drunk as shit, talking about TFA and the women he managed to pick up at the Life of Reilly. It too, closed recently.

That was a tough one, because he had also written for SMCM LOL BLOG a few times at my request. I'd like to share them.

A Good (president) is Hard to Find 
He managed to really capture Urgo's presidency, flaws and accomplishments. He's right: you're not likely to find another college president who was that approachable and visible on campus. Check the comments for a heartfelt Rich Edgar response.

"That time I threw a party with bouncers"
Totally forgot about this. There's a lot of really well developed arguments, and a little insight into some 2014 "drama".

His family has requested donations be made to Baltimore Harm Reduction Coalition in his memory.

I meant to write this back in May, but never did. It's easy to put things off.






I have a Byzantine Top 40 flyer in my St. Mary's file of various artifacts, from freshman year. I think I finally heard them play after finishing Gov Cup 2012 on the ole 77' Bristol.

Summer of 2018 I ran into Eli three times: at an O's game, Artscape's bougie-ass party with the mayor where I ate a half dozen crab cakes (this is not a lie), and on a random street South of Pratt. I was actually "annoyed" I kept running into him, like damn how is this dude everywhere suddenly.

I mean, I barely knew him. I barely knew any of these people below the surface. But he had a life, career, family, partner, talent. And really all of these people did. But you know we in our general age cohort all have made those "adulting" jokes, we see people who have their shit together, or at least are able to tuck in their shirts and fake it. Eli could definitely tuck in his shirt, along with a lot of other things.

I spent fifteen hours today in a car. Driving is weird and alienating in that you are surrounded and affected by other humans, but rarely see them, let alone interact in a meaningful way. I waved goodbye at the blue hatchback I traveled all of Ohio with, smiling at the absurdity of it. It of course led me back to John Donne:

'No Man is an Island' 

No man is an island entire of itself; every man

is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;

if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe

is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as

well as any manner of thy friends or of thine

own were; any man's death diminishes me,

because I am involved in mankind.

And therefore never send to know for whom

the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. 

In high school, it was the first half that resonated with me. My years now doubled, it is undoubtedly the latter half which compels me.

St. Mary's is a large family. We are all connected. I do ask that you reach out to those you love, and support Emma and her SMCM class of 2031 little one.



 8-14-2019 - kb

Three SMCM Students Arrested for Armed Robbery

lmao just like

just what

Last Friday 3 First Year members of the Basketball Team (check the archives for previous coverage) robbed, with guns, their weed dealer in WC. 

This is the MOST CLICHED COLLEGE ROBBERY

0 POINTS FOR ORIGINALITY

I think it's also worth noting that, chances are, these dudes are pretty tall, I mean one of them is 6'9" (nice). That's gonna stand out on a college campus right? IDK. 

Questions to consider:

• They stole 8 oz. of weed, valued at $1,200. Is that a legit figure??? That seems a lil' low for SMCM, but idk maybe the floor bottomed out???
• How will Harney react???
• What do you do now? Like what does the college do? I hope they don't take a reactionary approach to this, in any form. This is a one-off, not indicative of larger issues, right? idk

Here's the article from where I stole all this info 

https://smnewsnet.com/archives/430229/update-three-students-from-st-marys-college-of-maryland-seahawk-mens-basketball-team-arrested-for-armed-robbery-at-college-dorm-room/

R.I.P. Trees

When I was eight years old my parents had a story teller come to my birthday party and regale us with the story of The Lorax, via environmentalism. A good time was had by all, and the cake was an ice cream cake, which is perfect for December.

Flash forward twenty years, and much to my dismay trees at SMCM are being TORN DOWN.

Look at this gorgeous beauty. The Tree of Life, so majestic and powerful via age, destroyed with the BLADE OF MAN.

Yes that wonderful tree at the entrance to the Garden of remembrance is no more.

And look, another tree near the White House/Lucille Clifton House.

But why are these trees gettin' chopped up, like so many carrots in the Great Room?

Possible Theories...

• Captain Planet style anti-environment villain
• Pruning
• Disease
• Gentrification
• The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and Sauron/Dr. Jordan needs trees for their respective war machines

Who knows!@1@11!!!!

Would be cool 2 buy some of the tree. Maybe a slice of tree, via slices of pizza???

Big ups 2 @Viet for taking these photos!!!

Swimming Coach Arressted on Child Pornography Charges

Our Swim Coach has been arrested on Child Pornography Charges.

Andre Barbins, 45, is currently in jail. He went quietly as police entered his Calvert County compound. Police found digital storage devices with the illicit material on it.

The college has stated

"The college is taking all steps necessary to protect the safety of its campus and community, and is cooperating fully with law enforcement. Assistant Coach Hattie Schiavone has assumed coaching duties. As with all personnel matters, the college is unable to provide further comment."

Hattie was a member of the Class of 2013, and suddenly has an awesome job, so props to her.

This was his mug shot. Portrait of a defeated man. You can see the despair, regret, and pedophilic sickness in his eyes. He worked here since the 98-99 season, overseeing countless swimmers, including the local underage swim teams.

How does this compare to the Professor who paid for sex with Oxy? Are these two incidents indicative of a larger problem down by the River?

SMCM in Minecraft

Someone made the Campus Center in the 'popular' 'videogame' Minecraft

I tried doing something like this a few years ago and quickly gave up and went to the Door.

credit 2 : http://wildguess.tumblr.com/post/54302644776

"ST~ M" is a Real Thing

I definitely thought it was just some weird goof, the whole "ST~ M" which the college's facebook page has been using for the past months, and that literally has "1" like.

But NAW, apparently it's real. They even sell mugs with it.

This is a real product the Campus Store sells.

I can totally get the rationale behind this change. There are a ton of "St. Mary's" around the world, so it's important to rebrand as something different. But you cannot just create "ST~M" and not explain it. Where is the press release, or rationale behind the new branding? I'm just lost.

s/o 2 the thotties

Congrats to the two SMCM alums who appeared on The Hill (blog???)'s 50 most beautiful Congressional people. Let's turn interns into eye candy!!!

At #5 was Carmen Fuentes

Not really sure what is hanging down from her glasses on the left, also I can't think of a joke to make about this really :/ :/ :/

Congrats tho bb!!!

FUN FACT: Said my townhouse smelled like pee once. Then she moved in and someone literally pissed in their house~

and at #25 is Mariel Saez

Congrats bb!!!

FUN FACT: Mariel assigned me my only article I ever wrote for The Point News

~~~congrats 2 both of yall beautiful ladies~~~

Stained Glass Pub

Is this your car, smcm student circa last year, at the Stained Glass Pub? Did u finally graduate???

How's ur life now? R u "fulfilled"? Have u lived up to ur potential?

Made Mom/Dad/Obama proud???

Hope u enjoyed the half priced pizza!

SMCM Lands Itself on Yet Another Prestigeous List of Colleges!!!

WOW not only is SMCM (or should I say ST. M's?) is once again on a great list of colleges! This time unfortunately we only came up at #6.

The list is a list of MOST EXPENSIVE PUBLIC COLLEGES #PANIC.

Yes, even tho SMCM/ST. M's reduced tuition last year (after 5 years of increases) it is still kinda expensive for the average person/peasant.

You can read the whole article at Arianna Huffington's new blog The Huffington Post. SMCM clocks in at around 14.5k, whereas the number 1 spot went to the University of Pittsburg, at around 16.5k.

So you heard it here first folks, SMCM needs to increase tuition by $2,000 and we can snag that #1 spot!!!

Here is a fun fact: cost of living in St. Mary's County is low. Let's look at where some of the other colleges are located!

1. Pittsburg (major city/shitty)
2. Pennsylvania
3. New Hampshire (expensive)
4. Colorado (expensive)
5. Vermont (expensive)
6. Us!!! (cheap area)
7. New Jersey (not cheap)

so idk

Baltimore

Baltimore in the summer is great b/c u get 2 see lots of friends from the St. Mary's at bars and Orioles games or puking on the street! Some "tips" for hanging out in Baltimore!

- b sure to pay ur tab!
- fells point is great but watch out for the spooky ghosts!
- federal Hill is cool, you get to pretend u go to UMD
- I know you love swimming in water, but don't swim in the harbor! U may get a "disease" like whooping cough or death!
- if u see me I'll buy u a drank maybe???

INW∩˥∀ ƎWOƆ˥ƎM

HONORS COLLEGE

History of the Shoe Tree

Have you ever wondered about the origins of the shoe tree? So did Bonnie McCubbin, who investigate the origins of the tree as a part of her SMP. You can read her article here or read my summary of her article below.

The Shoe Tree was first recognized in a 1989 article of the point news (meaning I am about as old as the Shoe Tree), referring to the tree as student art. Many opposed the tree, citing that it was tacky and may hurt the tree (definitely true) while others were pro-tree. It was the meatless mondays of yesteryear.

By 1992 new Point News writers had already forgotten about the origins of the tree. Literally 4 years after the Shoe Tree began people had already forgotten its origins. Oral tradition is dead.

During the 90s the tree represented a student art installation piece, but by 1997 the tree was being used for memorable firsts, like first sexual encounter on campus or for graduation. But by 2001 the Shoe Tree had fallen out of favor and few students were throwing shoes in it.

Today of course it is generally seen as a place to throw your shoes after having sex for the first time on campus, and one of the first and last holes on the frisbee golf course.

What does the future hold for the Shoe Tree? It's looking a looked ragged, from all the shoes probably. Is the Shoe Tree something that makes St. Mary's 'unique' or is it tacky? Will it survive the campus rebranding?

Planning on spending Alumni Weekend investigating this piece of SMCM lore. Ask any 45-50 year olds you see~

Alumni Weekend 2k14

Alumni Weekend is approaching! I have compiled a list of things to bring in case you have never attended~

• Bathing suit

Branding

SMCM has revealed its new personal brand~

For years there has been talk of 'moving away from using the rad logo with the sailboats (which is a blatant ripoff of my logo)' and reserving that logo for only official documents and seals. I can see the rationale for this, I think. Most colleges use their name logo and mascot for general branding, rather than the seal of the college. IDK which is better but I hope this does not mean I can no longer buy stuff with the boats seal on it.

WELL here is the new 'branding'

It looks pretty nice! Dropping the yellow definitely makes it easier on the eyes (whatup shawty) but it is also maybe a little bland ???

I do love the whole ~ under the T. I don't understand it but I like it. I don't even know how you could type that out

T
~

???

The facebook page has a new profile picture which is simply

 Not really sure what "ST M" is. Is this a reference to STEM (science technology engineering math)???

IS the college more of a SMCM or SMC kinda person? TBH I like both, not really sure which is better...

Engagement at Gala

wow if u r friends with David "Sush" Sushinsky u would kno that somebody...
just...
proposed at Gala!!! (aka college prom)

below is the PROOF from facebook (also thx ken 4 the shoutout #historyteacherbros)

I mean first of all, shoutout 2 Sush/Sushe for liking his own status

I mean first of all, congratulations to the happy couple, I wish them the best.

but

huh so a "proposal" at gala...college prom

IDK is this legit or tacky ???


Is this akin to proposing to ur gf (GUYS, I SWEAR IM NOT A VIRGIN) or is this a legit thing, via being more mature ???

[editor's note: if you google youtube for 'prom proposal' it's not people proposing at prom, it's people proposing to their significant other to go to prom??? what happened to the "do u wanna pretend to go 2 prom but just get drunk in the limo check yes or no" letter snuck into their locker????]

Is proposing to someone in front of ur 300+ "closest friends" pretty legit or kinda tacky/makes it hard to say no ???

did ppl instagram this? what is the word on the 'yik yak' ???

well either way i hope they wait til marriage!!!

also s/o 2 my favorite SMCM couple, liz and john, so excited 2 c u 2 "tie the knot" (hopefully not a slipknot! via sailing jokes) in less than a month #hopeIcatchthebouquet

SGA 4/22

8:22 - Last SGA meeting of the year. Will miss u SGA, maybe... idk really.

8:23 - Michael Gass and Bongwater are talking… about emergency texts. a lot of schools have this system but SMCM doesn’t.

8:30 - Andrew Wilhelm is thanking Michael Gass and JAG.

8:30 - We’re finally getting this because it’s cheap now.

8:31 - lost and found won’t go out through this system.

8:34 - JAG is talking about food services and laundry now.

8:35 - We can get the Green Bean back but we’d have to get rid of the Pub’s liquor license. People aren’t drinking enough of the Pub. I’ve never drank at the Pub but I like the novelty of telling people that we serve alcohol on campus idk.

8:36 - Laundry next year is going to be really cool. We’re getting clothes bins in the laundry rooms.

8:39 - FREE LAUNDRY ON CAMPUS ALL YEAR ROUND. get excited. it’s nice that we have free laundry during the school year. No one would do laundry if we had to pay.

8:40 - JAG needs input on paint colors.

8:41 -- We’re actually getting new channels of places on campus. (remember this: https://twitter.com/SMCMLOL/status/435964864788307968)

8:42 -- Evan just told JAG to get back on topic.

8:44 -- Some first year just asked what the Green Bean is. I feel old.

8:46 -- Jonathan Holtzman is calling the new coke machine inefficient and a waste of energy. I think Jonathan cares about this coke machine more than anyone else on campus.

8:48 -- they’re putting artwork in the old upper deck area.. what kind of art?!

8:50 -- Staff will be “repurposed”

8:51 -- Shelby Perkins said that being able to buy alcohol at the Pub makes you feel old in a good way.

8:51 -- “Drink with your Professors” monthly event

8:52 -- Heber says that in the ‘70s, the student union had kegs so people wouldn’t have to go to the Door.

8:55 -- Shelby Perkins voted neigh on the talon grant via she’s wearing her house head.

8:57 -- everyone around me is playing games on their computer.

8:57 -- Luke Land wrote a soft serve bill to buy a soft serve machine.

8:59 -- this soft serve machine is fro-yo capable.

9:00 - Luke reminds the senate that soft serve is healthier than hard ice cream altho I seem to remember that it’s merely less caloric???

9:05 -- bill passes.

9:06 -- Evan is excited for soft serve. Going to miss u Evan.

9:08 -- aww Evan will be there for all of us

9:09 -- Fashion report -- horse paraphernalia.

9:18 -- Everyone laughed when Evan asked for Bill Sokolove’s report.

9:19 -- Shelby, Anuli and Evan are planning May Day.

9:20 -- give Andrew Wilhelm your money at World Carnival.

9:27 -- Ms. Paula from Student Activities is retiring.

9:29 -- Bill Sokolove got the perfect attendance award (it's funny because he never goes to SGA)

Going to miss u liveblogging, thank u "Tom Seahawk" for giving me access to the blog and the twitter and the 'brand'.

Natty Boh Hunt Game

Some comp sci majors (nerds) made a fun android game as a part of their SMP.

If you want to play you'll need an android tablet or a PC that can emulate an android device. You can check out their progress on their blog and download the game on dropbox.

Here are the basics:

• You are a student hunting for bohs
• You can only hold 5 bohs, so eventually you need to drink some
• When you drink boh the screen turns. My head still hurts but it was a cool feature
• You can find food and water to remedy the drunkenness
• Watch out for skunks and other students who will steal your beer

I'm really impressed with what these guys created! 

My high score is 2500.

Annapolis Legislative Reception

Wow the Annapolis Legislative Reception! One of the BEST Alumni Events (other than Alumni Weekend, Hawktoberfest, Orioles game). I am a big fan of this event. Last year I met some cool 'senators,' a real life Leslie Knope, and even saw a Mom get her daughter a job. I'm pretty sure that is networking???

First there was Senator Roy Dyson. I was getting a Heineken (s/o to beer my dad likes) when he came in, and immediately came over to join me. We shook hands and I told him a pretty dumb joke and long story short I don't see myself as very good at networking. Later on he gave a speech (pictured below~)

Wow look @ that great posture

So then James P Muldoon (dude who built the River Center with his bare hands and owns the boat DONNYBROOK came over to drink wine with us. He seemed very interested in us but we were pretty focused on getting more free crabcakes.

Man look at that sweet red tie and suit that probably exceeds my paycheck. Yo let us take a closer look at that watch~

WOW EXCLUSIVE LOOK AT A SMALL SECTION OF JAMES P MULDOON'S WATCH huh not really sure what kind of a watch it is but I'm assuming it is one of those Burger King Jurassic Park watches circa 1994

Also he is SO FANCY that he has his initials stitched onto his shirt. Not really sure what the purpose behind this is. Maybe rich dudes have sweet Roman-style orgies and afterwards they want to make sure they put the correct clothes back on ???

Sorry for the blurry image but it says "JPM" which could also stand for JURASSIC PARK MOVIE. It all makes sense now...

And lastly we have a beautiful image of tru love

Larry MacCurtain proposing to someone!!! Wish u the best bb!!!

JUST KIDDING ONE EXTRA PHOTO a great shot of Michelle DiMenna strugglin'

u go girl~!!!