Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Recently a pair of twenty-five and forty-five pound dumbbells were stolen from the Fitness Center.  Who could have stolen them???  Today I will try to solve this mystery.

These weights are pretty heavy, therefore it was someone strong.  Football players are very strong, therefore I believe that a football player stole the equipment.  Granted, we don't have a football team (at the moment) but I still believe this is the best theory.

In addition, how did something like this happen?  How did someone smuggle out all these weights?  Did the fitness center supervisor (student who sits at that tall chair looking bored/checking out burly dudes) allow this to happen?  Can we trust Michael P O'Brien ARC employees?

Recently Claire Solinsky, and ARC employee, stated that this was 'not her fault', however I do know that Claire also takes many labs and has drank 'Rikaloff'.

Can we trust people who play take 'hard lab courses' and drink the Rikaloff?  Can we trust Tom Seahawk (via participating in the latter and arguably more difficult activity)???  What is more difficult, Rikaloff or orgo lab?

All I'm saying is that dumbbells were never stolen under the Maggie administration, can we really trust Joe Urgo (who I will now refer to as Jurgo)???

DID FAULKNER SCHOLAR DR. JOSEPH URGO STEAL THESE DUMBBELLS (via getting 'mad ripped' to impress/intimidate students and professors)?


  1. President Swoleseph Urgo

  2. this calls for a PANIC!!

    ken benjes <3 anna k.

  3. No Faulkner scholar is strong enough to do that. They're all too busy being blitzed on Scotch (because there's no moonshine around, as the man said "between scotch and nothing, I guess I'll take scotch").

  4. Anonymous whoever you much love for ^^^ comment