Donuts

Last week at SGA Senator McGrath gave a passionate speech regarding donuts and Midnight Breakfast.  He titled it In Defense of Donuts.  Please enjoy.

My friends, I’m here to talk to you tonight about something very serious. There is at this very moment a war being waged against the students of this campus, a war which threatens our very identity and our integrity as an institution
Midnight Breakfast was an embarrassment. Yes, we had fun watching our friends make fools of themselves on stage. Yes, we got pancakes. But the real thing we came for, that our mouths were watering for in anticipation, was not there, and that’s donuts. If I thought pancakes and grits were that interesting I’d probably get out of bed before 2PM. I didn’t trek all the way out there in the freezing winter for some damn pancakes.

Bon Appetit claims they bought 1000 donuts.. Their staff clarified that statement—they bought donut holes. Dunkin’ Donuts calls those “munchkins” for a reason, it’s not a real donut. So let’s say you eat 3 or 4 donut holes in a sitting. That’s optimistic because with certain… chemical mitigating factors and/or lifestyle choices some people eat 6 or 7. But at 3 or 4 donut holes apiece, you’ve still only got enough to feed 250-300 students. A LOT more than that come to midnight breakfast. I got a C- in survey of mathematics freshman year and I can do the math on that one.

I’d like to take a moment to sincerely apologize for the amount of puns that are about to fill this room.

At its center this is about the dough, and that’s what’s driving me nuts.

Whether you spell them dough-nuts or do-nuts, one thing’s certain: you do nut take the donuts out of our traditional Midnight Breakfast. We trekked out through freezing weather, with the freezing rain sprinkling down and the paths frosting over. In the working world, if you have a contract and you do nut meet your customer’s expectations, you do nut get that contract renewed. You may say that my brain has turned to cream filling, but in my book it’s simple. We gave Bon Appetit the dough, so they need to nut up and give us what the hell we paid for. Bunch of holes.

Ohhhhhh goodness.  <3 u.