Three SMCM Students Arrested for Armed Robbery

lmao just like

just what

Last Friday 3 First Year members of the Basketball Team (check the archives for previous coverage) robbed, with guns, their weed dealer in WC. 

This is the MOST CLICHED COLLEGE ROBBERY

0 POINTS FOR ORIGINALITY

I think it's also worth noting that, chances are, these dudes are pretty tall, I mean one of them is 6'9" (nice). That's gonna stand out on a college campus right? IDK. 

Questions to consider:

• They stole 8 oz. of weed, valued at $1,200. Is that a legit figure??? That seems a lil' low for SMCM, but idk maybe the floor bottomed out???
• How will Harney react???
• What do you do now? Like what does the college do? I hope they don't take a reactionary approach to this, in any form. This is a one-off, not indicative of larger issues, right? idk

Here's the article from where I stole all this info 

https://smnewsnet.com/archives/430229/update-three-students-from-st-marys-college-of-maryland-seahawk-mens-basketball-team-arrested-for-armed-robbery-at-college-dorm-room/

SGA Debated Ability to Grow Weed at the Campus Farm

Apparently at the SGA meeting last night a Senator brought up the topic of growing 'other things' at the Campus Farm besides food.

Other things may have meant flowers.

But it probably meant weed.

<3 u SGA.

A Strong Arm Robbery UPDATE

Thanks to some anonymous commentors we have some SWEET RUMOR MONGERING for yall via "investigative journalism".

I received an email to my smcmstudents@gmail.com account (feel free to email me rumors to rumor monger and nudie pix [only if you got swagger tho]) providing some potential answers to this story of the strong arm robbery.

As yall may remember from my short Three Act play from a few days ago (it won a Tony [that is an award for plays.  I know this because I once dated someone who enjoyed that sort of thing and we watched the awards ceremony.  I didn't really know what was going on] Award already!) there was a string of emails sent out by Zylakbro (Director of Public Safety) about a 'strong arm robbery'.  The final email revealed that something fishy had occurred, but didn't really get into specifics obviously.

The email came from "Big Meaty Idiot" (bigmeatyidiot666@gmail.com).  I am going to assume that this was a throw-away email.  The 666 in the email indicates that the person may or may not be the devil.  Anyway, according to "Big Meaty Idiot" (hereafter referred to as "BMI") there were two individuals who reported the strong arm robbery.  And these two individuals were trying to buy weed (if yall remember from my play, I mentioned that they were definitely not smoking weed in the bathroom, which was a joke because that is what Calvert is known for, but apparently I was not far from the truth???) and I guess they got ripped off and then reported the crime.

These two Honors College students got ripped off trying to buy weed and then contacted Public Safety.

Again these are unsubstantiated rumors, but it definitely sounds possible.  There are some very stupid people in this world.  People who would report a crime wherein their weed money gets stolen.

BMI goes on to explain that more than likely the two 'weed dealers' were caught by the real police, explained what happened (via snitches get stitches), and then the real police told Public Safety, who then contacted JBoard, yadda yadda yadda.

So, IDK if that counts as a false report or not.  This has definitely happened before, but ID even K what happened in those situations.  I am assuming that the police did not help them retrieve the money.

Also, is it common for people to buy weed in a bathroom?  I feel like there are better locations.

Anyway, here is the email below for yall to peruse.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

The History Club will be showing Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure on 4/20.  Laughing so hard right now.

Jeff Blaze

Okay, so do you think this Jeff Blaze (pretty sure not his real last name, based off there being a lack of a Blaze in the school directory, seems like a reference to his love of the weeds or something probably Apparently is a reference to how he blazes people on the road [don't really understand this tbh]) is in on the joke and trolling, or does he legitimately think Dorchester is going to be co-ed?  It's the 'idc cuz im in lq' that makes me think he legitimately believes this.

Jeff if you are reading this I would like a confirmation.

PS this was posted in the 2014 facebook group.  I have off today and it's raining so I'm probably going to end up doing this all day.  I'M COOL GUYS.