R.I.P. Trees

When I was eight years old my parents had a story teller come to my birthday party and regale us with the story of The Lorax, via environmentalism. A good time was had by all, and the cake was an ice cream cake, which is perfect for December.

Flash forward twenty years, and much to my dismay trees at SMCM are being TORN DOWN.

Look at this gorgeous beauty. The Tree of Life, so majestic and powerful via age, destroyed with the BLADE OF MAN.

Yes that wonderful tree at the entrance to the Garden of remembrance is no more.

And look, another tree near the White House/Lucille Clifton House.

But why are these trees gettin' chopped up, like so many carrots in the Great Room?

Possible Theories...

• Captain Planet style anti-environment villain
• Pruning
• Disease
• Gentrification
• The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and Sauron/Dr. Jordan needs trees for their respective war machines

Who knows!@1@11!!!!

Would be cool 2 buy some of the tree. Maybe a slice of tree, via slices of pizza???

Big ups 2 @Viet for taking these photos!!!

Gum Tree

I was browsing the twitterverse the other day (@SMCMLOL) and noticed some rumblings about a 'gum tree'  I wasn't really sure what a gum tree was so I did some INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM on the subject and some GONZO JOURNALISM via taking photos of this elusive tree.

I scoured my sources as to where I could find this tree.  After tweeting a few of my followers they left me with one clue:  the path to the Campus Center.  I slowly made my way towards the pond, it was a cold day.  Suddenly I looked to my left, and there it was.

A colorful tree, with fucking gum on it.  Why the hell is there a tree with gum on it?  This is the weirdest thing I have ever heard of.  But apparently it's thing in Philadelphia, and now it's a thing here via cultural appropriation.  The Philly Gum Tree was a tree on South Street in Philly that had gum on it.  Then in 2008 it got cut down for some reason.  I think that pretty much sums it up.

Oh man look at all that gum!  So, I am judging this attempt at a tradition, but I bet that when people started throwing shoes up in the Shoe Tree in the year (whenever that happened) people probably thought it was dumb.  And to be honest I still think this is dumb because it is littering and I don't like littering, but whatever.  But it's kinda cool and different, and I guess I can't fault someone for trying something new.

Also I don't like gum and literally don't understand the appeal of gum.  Why not just eat food.

PANIC: Monster on Campus Destroying Trees

Yall, there seems to be some sort of monster attacking campus trees.  Check out the photo BELOW

WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THIS TREE?

All the trees that got planted in this area of Admissions Field (other than one) are all dead/gone now.  Depressing.  SMCMLOL:  Bringing you news about trees.

Possible suspects:

• The Hulk
• Steroids person
• Truck
• A Hurricane named Irene
• Drunk First Years
• Dean Bayless (this doesn't make sense but I thought maybe it would be funny/SCANDALOUS)
• CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

 Was really hoping those trees would survive and look chill.  Too bad they are getting naturally selected to die.