SMCM is going to be fine… as long as we stop Kenjes

Note: This ‘guest post’, whatever the hell that is, is directed at Alumni. If you’re a current student, get off the internet and go back to being drunk and not having responsibility – trust me.

Seriously, SMCM is going to be fine. I love the outpouring of concern and passion for our alma mater but 15 years ago our school was best known for the massive amount of narcotics done on campus and today that’s not even in top 10 things we are known for.

It’s going to take more than a budget deficit, fewer freshpeople (wish we had that senior year) and a poorly written op-ed by an uptight, right-wing reactionary spinmeister to take down the Seahawks. KaKAAAA!

What ya’ll should be worried about is the fact that this rag-tag, sorry excuse for a web log run by a baby-eating drunk is still up and running. You know Kenjes makes money off this (Editor's Note: $600 so far)?

Is no one else concerned that this old dude with a creepy beard still spends all of his time stalking college students? Someone told me they let him near high school kids too, that’s kind of messed up. I ran into him at an O’s game and he was legit just standing outside the student section leering at minors. Leering.

Seriously, this shouldn’t be allowed near children.

While we are on the subject of things that are bad for SMCM and possibly small children, can we talk real quick about the number of recent grads threatening not to donate over all this ish? First of all, I highly suspect if you’re saying that, you weren’t exactly about to write a check – you’re not fooling me.

Second of all, your reaction to a budget deficit and high tuition is to cut off funding to the school? Don’t get me wrong, I am not worried… they’ll survive without a few $10 contribs but that doesn’t exactly send the message, ‘we are here for you and want to be a part of the solution.’

Our reaction should be to cut out a few drinks at the next Bocci league mixer and throw some money St. Mary’s way. AND make sure you tell them to put yours in unrestricted because restricted funds are terrible in a budget crisis and stupid in general.

As an aside on the topic of drinks, who else misses the hell out of $7 pitchers at the Door…? 7 bucks gets you like a shot of beer in the real world and it never comes with a pizza.

Painting of The Green Door available at the Campus Store for $200. You can also just buy The Green Door for $250.

But back to baby-eating Kenjes – he is the real threat. Has anyone explored the possibility that the drop-off in admissions rates resulted from parents finding this blog? Would you send your kids to a school constantly watched and internet-ed about by a bro whose beard looks like it could sustain the ecosystem of a Peruvian rainforest? No way. You just wouldn’t.

I am just saying the board can fire Urgo and huff and puff all they want but if you want the source of SMCM woes, look no further than that smiley face/boat train wreck of a ‘logo’ above – seriously a monkey throwing feces could design a better logo (that’s by the way how I designed The Point News logo, minus the monkey).

Oh and if they do fire Urgo, again, the school will be ok. Yeah, we all love the guy – he has that classy beard (in contrast with Kenjes’ creepy one) and he actually cares about students but there are evidently some issues… firing a bunch of people who seemed pretty competent at their job, leaving 100+ slots open and digging us in to a budget deficit – maybe the distant, rule-by-rocket launcher approach Maggie took has some merit?

This happened.

All I am really trying to say is, I love you all and I am so pumped for alumni weekend. And at some point we need to have a little Team SMCM meeting and figure out what to do about the creepy blogger who is scaring off new students. Boom, problem solved – world saved. Roll credits.

Always yours,

Dave

Dave Chase

Classiest Class of 2012

Former Big-wig, The Point News Publications

PS. Big shout out to Greg ‘12 and Jess ‘11 who got married last weekend at Brome Howard! Seahawk lovin’

If you would like to write a "guest post" on the topic of your choosing, shoot me an email smcmstudent@gmail.com

GUEST POST: so i hear there was a story in the baltimore sun about smcm?

so a lot of folks are upset about this terrible shitty article in the Baltimore Sun the other day which is understandable since the piece reads like it was researched by skimming halfway thru the list of SMCM’s first year seminars but ending up on youtube watching a montage of eric cartman whining about hippies instead. Some have focused their criticisms on Anne Neal herself, using the sort of language people always seem to feel more comfortable directing at women. realistically though, when a nonprofit president like Neal places an op-ed, the writing is the product of a team effort more often than not -- so it's worth taking a look at the team.

the American Council of Trustees and Alumni was founded by Lynne Cheney -- after 9-11 she used it to attack academics who opposed her husband's war(s). now, they’ve rebranded themselves as advocates for “academic freedom” crusading against "political correctness" -- most notably with their vocal support for ousted harvard president Larry Summers when he caught flak for arguing that women are underrepresented in science and engineering because they aren't as smart as men.

like most think tanks babbling about “market-oriented solutions,” ACTA doesn’t publicly disclose their donors, but they do have ties to charles koch, the kevin bacon of right-wing pigfuckers. oh and did i mention that edwin meese, best known for vocally opposing miranda warnings, having the national guard beat down beat down student protesters, and militarizing the war on drugs as Reagan's attorney general sits on their board too? shit!

ACTA put out a report whining that too few students are required to take a course on shakespeare, lamenting that students are instead encouraged to study "popular culture" -- apparently, critically analyzing work produced for mass appeal only has academic value if it was written before people figured out they should shit and eat in different rooms. really, the entire op-ed drips with that same parochial mentality that education's value can only be measured in terms of quantifiable knowledge about particular dead white men -- she literally invokes our WGSX program for laughs.

and this clayton christensen guy she quotes, his studies in "disruptive innovation" look at technological advancements that displace older markets (iTunes replacing CDs, etc.) one of his favorite examples is how for-profit online degree mills like the University of Phoenix (with help from "reformers" like ACTA) will eventually supplant traditional higher education. To these folks, education is just another industry to make money off of, and educators are only here to tell us factoids about the war of 1812 before we join the workforce. fuck changing lives.

bottom line, St. Mary's has an amazing faculty and staff, and blaming rising tuition on their -genuinely- innovative approach, rather than the financial crisis and the pressure it's put on state budgets, is bullshit. i have a lot of love for SMCM as an institution and it's facing hard times right now, so I guess my point here is don't let this hack distract you, or at least don't let the feelings this editorial evoked in you go to waste.

this isn't just about Anne Neal or even SMCM, shit like this is happening nationwide. chicago just shut down 50 public schools under this same market fundamentalist "narrowly defined results at all costs" mentality. there's a social mission inherent in public education -- we rely on it to make up for our sins, to provide for equality of opportunity and the american dream and all that shit, but it can’t do that if we let the Anne Neals and Arne Duncans of the world turn it into another way to make a quick buck.